Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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