I didn't shave. On purpose
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
