Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
