his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
