I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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