Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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