you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
