So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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