He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize