We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
