I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
