Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
