Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
