Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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