I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
