Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
