My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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