Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
