My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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