Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
