I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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