Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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