is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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