Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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