Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mom said you looked used
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
