So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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