Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
