Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ok first of all what the fuck
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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