just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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