quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its not stalking. its research.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
