He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
