Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
