you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
