I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
