May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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