mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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