No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
