the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
