The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
