wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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