I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
