I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
