Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
