Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
