How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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