Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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