Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
