you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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