dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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