do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it fun? or sober?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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