I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
