Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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