i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize