im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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