I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
