I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
