3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
