He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
