I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
