How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize