if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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