While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
