we have pet lesbian snakes
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
