just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
