He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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