somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize