Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
