i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
