you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize