but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
