There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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