Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
