Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
